an edge to reality

tonight, i was sold to Russians by my family like a dog, lost in snowy woods with my best friend and drove a car that became a burning log. one thing stood out among those all, and this is what i can recall.

the furthest point i can remember in the main plot is standing on a bridge. it was a different type of bridge, one with a separate bridge just above the normal bridge.

there was an accident there, a part of the overhead bridge was exposed to the lower and a man that was driving had gone from this lower bridge to the higher bridge. police had swarmed the lower area and were trying to figure out how he could possibly make it to that higher area. i just stood there watching them, listening to their ideas. they were all wrong, they could not figure it out. i knew how, i was willing to show them, but my voice was a distant fade. no one had reason to listen to a bystander in this case, so i went on my way.

everything faded suddenly into third person. there was regular small-city street, a sidewalk in particular. it was on a hill. a young man in his late teens was biking with his younger brother. they came up to some chocolate bars, candy that was individually wrapped, clean, tempting. the older brother said "i know it looks like it could be bad but i have had a rough enough time in my life and im going to have a break.
he bent down and picked up some candy and as he did, something caught his eye. there, beside a doorstep was a pile of neatly organized bulk bagged candy. he forgot about the candy bars he saw before and went for this treasure he had found, his little brother standing there, watching. the older brother took a giant scoop with both arms wide to get as many as the candy bags as possible when a man appeared standing over him.
the older brother realized he had forgotten his jacket somewhere, at a bridge when an accident happened. winds started to blow and snow came as the older boy grew cold and alone. the older man said "i found a jacket by a bridge. it had lots of candy in its pockets." he paused "i had set the candy there and donated it and the jacket to homeless children." anger grew within the teen. the man had left and it became night time. the teenager walked back and forth outside yelling how much he hated everyone and everything, throwing snow at windows.

i stood in a dim lit house on a second story floor that was connected with the street watching this teen. the teen hung his head in shame and walked up a set of stairs towards me and into this dim lit house, as he got close to me he dissipated.
the scene shifted to a house i have got to know well recently. Alice lives here. two friends were there, Mercury and Alice. - Alice is a girl i recently got mixed up with. a situation i regret entirely. - Alice and Mercury were talking, i had a hood on and was standing close to them. they did not seem to notice me at all. they talked about boys and somehow it came to me. "ah, him. that is nothing to talk about" Alice said spitefully. i thought that i had completely vanished from them so i walked between them and took off my hood. suddenly Alice clung to me and didn't let go. she had me against the wall hugging me quietly. everything faded back to the small dim lit house where the teenaged boy who dissipated was.
an older male appeared then. his skin was dark and he was wearing a grey jacket. somehow i knew he was an angel. i turned from the street and saw him and behind him the scenery of a small town between some hills that was lit in glowing streetlights.
i turned to this angel and was quiet. the angel spoke first. "what is it your looking for?" i had no response. "do you look for a chance to speak?" he said casually. the angel went on, " i remember when i had a rough time in heaven. i had requested to go back to earth. i nearly lost the father, but things got better." what the angel said just then sounded so surreal, coming back from heaven? no way! suddenly a microphone appeared in front of me. the angel said "here is your chance to speak what you feel, i will listen to what you have to say. there are guidelines though." guidelines? i thought as he continued. "yes. one, you must not scream or yell. we don't want to wake anyone. two, no using profanity, no swearing. three, you must not curse me, the father, or anyone else out."

i took a step back, turned around and walked towards the microphone quietly. "it is got to be hard to communicate my feelings without swearing you.." just as i was cut off by the angel in speech. "hey there son, how is it going?" the angel said as a little boy ran up to him. the angel slowly directed all attention to his boy and began to walk away. i felt ignored, overlooked, insignificant, unimportant, betrayed. he gave me a chance and left just as i was about to speak, like my feelings don't matter at all. i took a step past the microphone towards the small view overlooking the snowy dark town, it was beautiful, nostalgic in a way.
everything shifted. the view of the dark lit town became a wide open rolling stream of water, a beautiful forest stretching in front of me. i did not dare look back to lose this sight. the sun beating on my face, it felt so warm. "God, i don't want to lose this. i don't want to go back to the cold." i thought. suddenly jeeps and trucks started running through the waters, destroying everything. i was not surprised as much as amused at them splashing through the water and spinning around. soon enough all that was left was a muddy creek and me standing in the middle of it.
two friends were there, Mercury and Alice. they stood in the water with me. i did not say much, but i tried to make the most out of our situation. i took lead and lead them up the creek, water soaking up to our waists in muck. i joked around lots, did my best to make this horrible situation better and it worked for a while. but just as i got to a nice point,a small bend in the creek, my wallet fell out of my pocket.
black with lime green trim, made of duct tape. it was a special wallet made for me by a friend a long time ago, uniquely mine. i started to wade after it. i grabbed it in hopes that nothing had fallen out, but i had lost all my money, my bank cards and two movie tokens. i started to be swept a bit down stream by the current. Mercury and Alice has came back and gathered all my items i lost from my wallet. Mercury got close and carefully put it in my hands so i would not lose any of it. i closed my hands and looked back. to my left there was a small path to get out of the creek. i swelled with joy as i got out of the water. i dried up and was met by a not so well known but a joyful face. her name is Tia. she was just in the creek as well in some sort of game with her friends. she was chosen to be the "dead princess" she said. we walked for a little bit until we came upon a school.
walking towards the entrance of the school more familiar faces became present to my awareness. Krista, Katja. two cheerful balls of joy that tend to make me giddy. there was another who stood on the opposite side of the crowd to me. this one i knew well even though i could not see her face. Sierra was with us. my heart felt strangely unburdened and comforted by this. this small group of people that i did not know all to well due to distance between our homes, they felt so welcoming and it felt like a place of belonging. we all walked into the school together, all of us joking around, laughing, having a great time as friends walking through these school halls. Krista sat in front of a classroom door and began to study. i made a remark about the time i shadowed all of her classes in school and she smiled and hid her face in her palms. everyone laughed. we walked around one corner and then everything changed, students swamped the area and i found myself without Tia. i caught a glimpse of who looked to be Katja and Sierra so i followed them. they looked a bit different but i followed none the less.
the two characters i followed sat down and looked at me, both with fake bleached hair. i stared at them and they kissed each other. i felt alone, lost, like i had wandered away, it was my fault i was lost. i looked around, two directions to go, forward and away from where i might have lost the group or back down the hall i came. my smile was lost by this point. i chose the hall i came from and began to walk slowly. with only what seemed like 5 steps, Katja's face popped over a few shoulders in the swamp of students our eyes caught instantly. "Oh My Gosh!" she screamed in her uniquely high pitched and cute voice. she walked with me back down the hall we came. as we walked i could feel a sense of relief of great worry from Katja.

everything ended with that.

i woke up confused. my mind cycling around everything, trying to focus on Sierra. why did i even have a dream tonight let alone remember it. why those people? why did that group welcome me after everything that happened? Sierra was happy with me there? everything confused me. i wanted to go back to sleep. to walk the halls with that group again. to walk along and have fun with everyone and not carry the burdens i face... things are slowly getting better. every day she is on my mind. i still have hopes, aspirations for the years to come. two years i keep telling myself... we will meet again... until that time i wont see anyone... i cant... i will get out of this creek, this rut... in hopes that the last words she spoke to me will withstand time... like we always dreamed...

dreams that fade into the calm red morning sky,
as you sleep you slowly die.
you never know what awaits
in a land slowly drifting into the wake.

J? Does This Make Sense?

let me tell you a story
of the regrets i never made
the tales that are so gory
before these blood stains fade

Of the regrets i never made
it was his fault i fell
before these blood stains fade
wake from a dream by the bell

it was his fault i fell
sweetest thoughts poison to me
wake from a dream by the bell
open my eyes to the world around me

sweetest thoughts poison to me
smallest words can mean a great deal
open my eyes to the world around me
cut me open so i can feel

smalles words can mean a great deal
can you whisper in my ear?
cut me open so i can feel
help me understand what i fear.


EJ

ps - this is raw, unedited, just some overflow I don't know from where

Bones

as you drag these skeletons out
each one for me to see
i cannot deny their existance

i watch as you drag them out
of a hiding place so dark and deep
covered in thick cobwebs within

but as each is dragged out
the cobwebs fall and the dust slips away
every bone is of the purest white

as you drag them out
you explain the rotting skin that remains
and all the fractures and breaks

but as you explain it all away
all i can say is what i see
a perfect skeleton of white bones

EJ

PS I wrote it for him

It's also for everyone.

EJ

Him.

Do you really mean what you say
You tell me what you want
Let me know you're for real beacuse my heart cant take a break
And i wonder if it will break all of a sudden, unexpectely
Never has anthing felt this strangely wonderful

EJ

~

perhaps this is the first time i have been around you while you were so direct.
its nice, words are flowing through into my reality now that they have less sugar coating. not that i could not understand before, but not i sense a bit more trust... i cant remind you enough that you didn't do anything wrong, but for some reason my words never quite communicate that. is this what you want? our past is not of what we spoke it would be... but is that alright? my heart is funny... it still holds care for you, your life, your well being... it always has, but not like before... bouncing around thoughts of the past never get me anywhere though.. what cant be? you are free here... in this place i created for one to run away and shared with only one other... you are free...

Is this...

a bitter
poison apple
with a brittle
candy coating
bright red
to contrast the dark
and only the bravest
take a bite
and know how
too describe
the taste
and the apple
beneath the clear rouge
has flesh of black
so the light
reflects off it
blindingly bright

as we indulge in this apple, I hope you're doin alright. Yes, I realize I'm shouting at you from across this fairground as
these rides we're each on spin violently out of our control. I sometimes wonder if these particular rides will end
and we'll be able to meet in the middle of the fairground again, or that maybe you'd be willing to join her on our end
of the grounds. She and I, we might not be on the same ride, but I keep my eye on her. I wish you'd smile more on that
ride, though I can imagine you want off. Strange, I'm getting dizzy talking about it this way.

I'm out of shape, but the cyclone of thoughts is still stuck in my head. I'll get this right again
sometime
when I need to
She wont know unless you say so
I promise
I keep secrets.
Dont cry wolf, that boy got three tries, this villager only listens to one, and thats the reality of it.

I miss you
and our talks

I should mention I almost have a him.but thats on the dl.

wow. i'm talking in too many literal terms. OK

TO BED (Before spelling and grammar and punctuation and all writing rules fly completely out of my screned window)

... No, it cant be.

EJ

as the cog clicks

here i am...
i find myself returning.
returning to a place of darkness
a place of hate,
lies,
pain,
truth...
here i am on there simple whim because it was brought up in conversation. 'It CANT be that bad now can it? Come on... just a quick peek... maybe a post?'
my mind muttering to itself...
that's all i do...
mutter to myself...
for nearly four months now i have been away from home, friends, family, the things i love and the things i know.
every day is another day i believe the zombie apocalypse to be true..
i wake up, i see no one, i work, i talk to no one, its break, its lunch... i sit alone and don't speak a word...
some the days end i return home like i do every day and lay on my bed that is on my floor; is it really my bed though? the guy i rent from is so much of a control freak that i wouldn't doubt that he believes he can control me... i don't really care anymore though...
i rarely eat anymore.. i am down to a small cup or two of instant noodles a day with a few cans of juice or pop...
a zombie...
walking,
seeing,
doing,
without a person behind these eyes its hard to believe i exist anymore...

maybe i don't really exist...

today was one of the worse days... i had no expression on my face but a blank wide stare like everything was meaningless and death was already apparent... my boss, foreman, co-workers all tried talking to me a bit... words stopped coming out.. words turned into gestures, gestures turned into shrugs... they eventually just walked away without saying a thing... i couldn't have cared less...

i stopped seeing this all as pain though. to me, its just... well, i don't know... i just don't care about it really. people get angry with me for not caring... i don't really care though... why care about the negative stuff in life? i know it only drags you further down into hate. i'd rather blank emptiness than hate... hate destroys... where as emptiness.. well it just needs to be filled.

despite my past self hate, i finally found someone who i love.. funny thing is that they actually love me in return. our love is not based on what the other has done, its simply because we love one another. its... nice...

heh... the way i brighten up when i think of them... its like im actually alive... they make me smile with a simple thought, one word, one message... like now! i have feeling, emotions, my face has a bit of expression to it again! but it was short lived... its bed time for them because they need sleep... it is their birthday today... i am literally a thousand miles away... 1,074 miles... ....

this is so stupid... writing down my thoughts.. my life... i dont care about it, about the message going across... what good would it do anyone to read this anyways? everyone but them~ these days is so blind and has their head in a place where the sun does not shine... its just a cry for attention to everyone else... that what everything is. its no longer the boy who cried wolf, its the story of the boy who cried wolf passed down through generations breeding mistrust and disbelief...

screw it

Run, Run and hide.

Typical. your sad state makes you look down on things. it blinds you from the good and rips you apart from the inside. you start swearing, you start hurting, you are confused and dont know what to do.

(Thoughts from months past)

Hiding Between Parked Cars...

Because it's safe there where no one can see you
and no one can drag you out and say
explain yourself! Why are you runnin?

explanation
communication
studies prove that I am weak in this area

Sharing leads to the dragging out of skeletons
sometimes
but more often
it leads to untieing thread that holds a wounded heart together.

Sewn so tightly inside, not an emotion may escape
and the few escapees are impossible to be described

so

I don't understand this at all. I do not intend to push you away
but maybe I'm not pulling you close as you like?
I dont know how to deal with... with... THIS.

relationships... what are those now? well? what are they? and no I don't mean dating I mean friendships too. I mean, why is it that I cannot face up to the ones I love the most?!

I beg your forgiveness
I beg you to see that our forbidden was not to be. We agreed that we would hand over the reigns of our hearts to be lead in the directions each were meant to to go.

One day, when I learn how to be a friend, we shall talk again. But here I am friendless in a world of friends and nothing could be truer.

Well, the result of reading the past two messages is what you have read. I'm sorry for the disorganized-ness but this is how my thoughts pour out.

I miss you.

One day we will run side by side, look over at each other with that little twinkle of memory in our eyes and never stop being friends.

Okay, I'm really done now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

here there and everywhere

how much more direct can i be.
countless times i have made it clear,
im asking you to speak to me
simply because you wont let me speak with you.

take into context my words, i wish to speak with you but it always ends to be one sided. even though you start a topic, your responses seem lifeless like it holds no value. my questions are answered bluntly without positive feedback leaving me feeling like our conversation really has no meaning.

know that i remember that you said we would not be able to chat much due to studies, but you never informed me of any changes in how you felt. you left me confused and shattered, running with broken knees when all i asked for was your hearts thought no matter how confusing it may be.

every bump in the road is a sign to take it slow and to be careful. so are you going to slow down or have you already taken a detour?

Water of the melon left to dry.

what is hard to see is under my tranquility.
im am like that of a well trained Thoroughbred,
i follow that at which my reigns are being told.

if you mount me, i carry you with ease,
if you push my sides i will run with you
and if you pull the reigns i will stop with you.
but when i am an animal none the less
so your language remains unclear to me.

a gentle tug in the direction you want me to go,
this is all i have ever asked for, and yet,
you have dismounted and slapped my rear
in that of an open field none the less.

is this where you want me to run away from you master?
after all we have been through are you pushing me away?

all i ask for is your direction.
should i stay or should i go?
if so, pull my reigns, tell me what you want openly,
or remove these reigns and saddle so that i may be free
and one day look back on you...
not in ill, but as the first human that was direct enough
to at least tell me what they want and feel...

Broken Trust

A million tiny fragments
Once a beautiful work of art
Built over time with patience and love
And thrown against a stone floor

Held in shaking hands
Cutting the tender skin
The shedding blood the glue
To hold it back together again

Nothing can be the same
And nothing can be undone
Broken can be remade
Pieces will be missing and nothing the same

Can you steady these hands?
Clean off the blood
Take what has been remade
And love it as the original?

Sorry is the word that collects the pieces
Patience is needed as the skin is cut
Time is taken to rebuild what is broken
Love is what forgives in the end

~EJ

Lies.

isnt it just peachy... the numb feeling of worthlessness, foolishness.

the feeling of being almost utterly useless, aside from being used to consume oxygen. its worse than quitting drugs or medication. it comes back and chokes up all you know, then laughs at you like you are a pathetic excuse of a human. worthless.

it seems like now there were so many things that i can remember promising i would never do. how i would act and react to a situation. it had only seemed like a short while that things were going great, gave it all and saw light. then i jumped. foolish.

this daunting number. its 2. comes right after one. if you add two ones together, you get two. there were two two's in that equation. 2x1=2. two weeks. that lasted for a little over two times six months. that is one year. what seemed like the same amount of time for things to build up again. two times six equals one. one more chance. two months of bitter sweet. two weeks of constant high and prayer. two times four. thats how long it took for the withdrawals to lighten up. two times three is how long it has been. and 2 to the power of 20 is how many times i thought about it.

Lies.

the looming two. the daunting two. the two that is laughing at me now. it has happened two times in two days, this feeling. its a feeling of melancholic wonder. a type of thing that leaves me asking when the next two is going to choke my nice O2. maybe it does not have to happen again, maybe two is just enough to make one. or maybe two is coming in the near future. ie, one cant wait for two to get here.

Killing the buzz

Damn, there it goes again.

your drunk body hitting the floor like lead dropped out a window.

i ask if you fell and you lie.
your hungover words speaking every hint of lies.

lies lies lies all your damn lies. just shut up already. you have good intentions but fail in caring.

you are trying to help me when you are already dead.

JUST SHUT UP

i hate your lies, i hate your false love.

but in the end i still love you and care for you.

i hate you because i love you... so shut up...

I lie awake, reading, tired...

Awake. Somewhat. Confused. Very. And once again my feelings and emotions and thougths all go into over drive. So mixed up and confused and in the end its just numb... spinning and spinning until a random thought is thrown out, then back to the numb...

Maybe the missing piece you thought it was is really a part of another puzzle... or maybe it doesn't quite fit into the one you have yet.

Like that, a thought spun out and now numb. Poetry falling to pieces before the brain can send the signal to my fingers, so you have this. Written once and not read again until it is where every eye could see.

Chin up and look at those stars and know I see them all the same. Good evening Orion, but I look forward to seeing the Summer Cross on the basketball court, reflected in the calm lake.

With that I'm numb again. There's safety in being numb. You feel no pain, but you feel no love or anything else for that matter.

Sleep is clawing at my eyelids. I guess its time to sleep... sleep drunken words these are... tired, careless lips, or at least, fingers...

Goodnight.

sunday to monday, night to morning.

not shortly after that my eyes become soiled with the light pollution of the city. "Im back", i say as i walk into a dead house. silence echos like sweet vibrations of music in my ears. my body resumes its normal dead course in life. "welcome back, im glad your home." it almost sounds like she would care, if only it had come when i first walked in... its not like im worth taking time away from her second life online... or first life it would seem. i ask if i can use the car to shop for food. "your not insured"... i walk away and only imagine saying that she would have let me if she were drunk... im amazed she isnt drunk though... maybe she changed when i was away? maybe she will start to care? hah! no wonder i never eat! Lies are one thing that sustain me; all i have ever known in fact. there is one truth... God... he knows my thoughts...

--------------------
Saturday night

Maybe running away was not such a bad idea? i know that im visiting a friend in a different city and all... but maybe i will get hit by a car tonight! that would be swell. send me flying into the snow bank. maybe i could cash in on some well earned pain then! HAH! get it? its only a half kilometer left to her house anyways. and a police officer is coming to get us to see a movie with his kids. all i would have to do is crawl back to the street and lay there. or i could try to make it to the house. maybe it would be a light enough impact to only break one leg; that way i could limp back and pretend i was perfectly fine! it would not be long before my friend pounced on me though... then she would freak out. oh well, whatever happens will happen. wow, there it is, my favorite constellation... the seven sisters... its so small, so many different pieces, barely noticeable in the city with all the lights... just like me... so dull in that city... but bright out here! it makes me want to die here. by a car perhaps? |*chuckles*| i dont want to die though. not even get injured. more lies flood in like the food i should be eating but dont. maybe i can find something alive...

--------------------

Monday morning 1:30 am

how many lies must i tell myself before i can believe myself telling the truth... i could possibly be a replacement doll to be used in times of withdrawal, but on the other hand i could be genuine. you cry over me, you want to take me away from this deathbed, you tell me to come back... i know you feel like im broken, but there is one thing you overlooked... im not broken, just missing a few pieces. sure, maybe im selfish and want something i should not have at this point in time, but hey, isnt it expected from someone who has lacked the PROPER love of a family and friends? isnt it expected for me to want to be there to love and be loved? i have told many, but it yields before it sinks in. you cant replace my family and the only thing that will fill that gap in my life is God, and a wife and children.

you were right to say that love is a gamble. i know it is, remember? i lay not heartbroken but heart-missing. "i dont know if it is right, i dont know if it is time, but what i do know is that it feels right, and just for tonight let me gamble once more, all in." i said it a week ago, not that anyone would know, but i did. i dare people to trample me because im testing people to see who i can trust... simple words, simple requests, simple feelings towards me. i look at them always, asking if it is something i could live with for the rest of my life. im looking for the bibles definition of love... something that does not change, but accepts. self sacrificing yet self sustaining and always growing anew. now ask yourself; do you want to accept me, or do you want to change me...

Tick

Hands hold me
I cannot break free
forced to endure
their merciless torture
holding me out of reach
of what i want

pleads fall on deaf ears
tears cry to unseeing eyes

emotionless and cruel
giving more when
less is desired
and less when
more is begged for

I hate being a prisoner
to a life sentence
of moments passing by
so many
uncaptured.

A late night... A silent cry...

put down that bottle,
i swear to you,
the answers not there

cause the only answer you're gonna get
is that you're just screwed
and you're just gonna keep on searching
for something better

and the answer isn't there
wrapped up in that paper
just put it down

these pleasures you get
these hights you fly wont help you find
the meaning to life
so you crash and burn and just keep on lookin

i know an answer not just in a book
but written in the hearts of many
its a secret kept only too well
that is worth the find

and is worth the tell

The Section: Scribbles from a Notpad

"it Happened again... If my memory serves me right, it has been two months since the Last dream, or since she pushed me away. my memory of the dream is blotchy, but i will do my best. my iPod seems to know how I feel as I ride the bus to school...


It seems that we were hanging out. it was a place that I am unfamiliar with. perhaps it was her town. there were many hills and rocky areas. we were with others, or there were others, I know this because we were on a field trip with friends. we went up stairs On a mountain together, alone. the path was narrow and steep. Left, Right, Straight then Right...


we finally made it to what seemed like the top. if facing the mountain, the plateau would have been around 60 feet up. it was also narrow, hugging the cliff face. Right oriented. there was around 3-4 feet of room coming out from the cliff face of path, when facing the cliff on the path, the stairs were to the right and the Left was unknown to me. she somehow put me in a tank of sorts. there was around 3 feet of height and 3 feet of depth, it was the same Length of the plateau,6ish feet. the tank had a small opening at the top, it was a vent of sorts, leading to the outside or something like a hive or nest. the take was made of glass, with a door to the right.


It was Locked. sitting inside, i looked at her, she was standing above me with an expression of hidden blank sadness. Like a deep depression was hiding inside of her. she Just stood there, watching me, and I asked what was going on. she didn't say anything. then. I looked at the vent and saw spiders coming out. at first it was only one. I freaked out and killed it with my fist. then more started coming out, too many to kill. I soon realized that I was trapped within my Own sorrow, fears drowning me. I started to kick at the door trying to break it open, but it would not budge. my mind laps through what i would have done, given I made it out. my plan was to kick open the door and Jump out into an embrace with her, me crying, her shocked.


I continued to kick but the spiders enveloped me. all hope was Lost, so I curled up an let them bite me. thoughts of me getting out and hugging her seemed so real, it Loosened the pain of the spider bites and venom. It seemed like I had started dreaming when I appeared to be back on the bus with her. maybe I had died? we were hanging out again, in a narrow place again. I cant remember where, but there were no spiders and we were both happy, so my location did not matter. all I can remember is picture like images from that moment, like selective memory or photographic memory. her smiling. I remember us then in a school like setting, together. That's all though. The moment I woke, I forgot the dream, While my friend showed up with coffee and a story. Just after he left the memories returned, thus, I write..."

This was hidden in my rarely used notepad. i wrote it out while on the city bus, trying not to forget anything. the details i listed of the location were judged by minds eye. it has been over two months since then and we talked twice in that time... i cant believe she casually responded to that question... baka...

locked in

i know there are days ahead,

where i wont be hungry,
where i wont be cold,
where i wont be sick,
and where i wont be alone.

i feel like its ending,

the events from my past drain,
to stop this last pain,
fly away faster.

do i know for sure, or do i just have child like faith...

these songs we sing
for these tears we bring,
they all mean one thing;
we must give it all.

On a crumpled piece of paper...

These thoughts scream
their silent song
as pen on paper does
then still singing floats along the city breeze
discarded
disregarded
another idea silently
screams along its way
to a deep garbage ground
and the saddest thing was
it was the solution to all of this