DIf you take a rose and paint it purple, you will still have the same rose.
If you break that rose, find a new one and paint it purple.
It always be a different rose.
Change
A verb and noun.
It means to make something different, the process of alteration.
So many people focus so much thought into the matter. Few and far between do you find the unique individual who would rather simply ask and observe.
I find many days where I am bothered by the question of 'why'.
"You have changed."
"You use to be different."
I find these days it's almost impossible to be myself with anyone I know, set aside a few individuals during select times. When I sit in my car alone, I'm more comforted than I am with a loved one in my arms. Beneath the uncertainty of a rolling steel chassis, I find not shelter, but a voice.
With two ears I listen to each word I silently speak. I sit on the cement to see with two eyes the view of a stray cat. I feed you, groom you, and expect nothing in return from you. Silly cat, can you not see me with your own two eyes? Can you not hear each of my words with your own two ears?
The words softly echo off a nearby fence and ricochet into my ears, my voice softens not out of shame, fear or anxiety, but from empathy. I stroke your back to remove the dirt you have laced upon yourself. You walk away into the night without second thought.
I think back on the times I chose not to speak because I learned that I do not always have the right words.
I think back on the times I chose to speak with confidence, but was easily ignored.
I think back on the things I told others with faith that they would try to gather more understanding or be accepting rather than quixotic.
If people stopped focusing so much on change, maybe they would see what hasn't changed. The essence of who I am is adamant. Stronger than diamond or alloy, relentless in its behaviors. Yet the strength of essence is not the essence itself.
An honest smile and heartfelt words are extended by rarity now. An elderly couple about to exit a store, a man with a small dog on a bridge, a boy who is looking for activity amidst a broken life. These people have seen because they looked, they didn't understand yet, were accepting.
Why don't you stop talking with a single mouth.
try to see with two eyes,
Hear with both ears.
There is a vast world that will strike you blind and deaf instantly.
You deserve it.
While you have chose to live your life, I have lived mine.
So far, I can honestly say I have yet to change for anyone or any reason.
Can you say the same?
The stray cat comes back nightly, knowing I will be there, speak softly, groom gently and be accepting. The same as I have always been, haven't you noticed?
I have slowly worked through my experiences, each sleepless night is another haunting nightmare, time which I spent alone without telling you thoughts or ideas that pulse through my veins.
Change?
No.
This is growth.
Silent, patient, unyielding
Ella, have you changed or have you grown? Tell me. For the love of god, tell me you grow stronger instead of finding comfort in the fresh pages of a new and different book.
My pages are a collaboration of effort and willpower.
My language is still the same.
Can't you see this?
How much self sacrifice does it take before you run dry? Is it worth the risk?
Tell me what do you sacrifice daily? What do you know of drought?
J.
How many times will my friends see me look down before they realize I'm still looking up? How many unspoken words will they hear? I wonder how your perspective would change if you saw a subtle shade of blue rise and fall with each moment. How this shade is perceptive and analytical, yet understanding and steady in motion. The kindness it holds can never be drown out or covered because it leaks through every crack and ever seam, every window and door that grant access.
Yet the devotion it shows is never enough to keep you interested.
No, you are like the cat. Only come to be fed, groomed and to hear comforting words at the end of each cycle. But even the cat knows more. it has come back to be fed, groomed and inevitably listen to carefully chosen and softly spoken words.
If I had a cool catch phrase that people used to identify me, the most commonly used phrase would be "the welcome mat that smiles back!".
