a reign

every time i get asked if i have cut myself i feel the need to cut myself... its almost like people expect it of me from how much they ask. well have i ever cut myself? not really, i just carved words into my arm with old knives and even a pen from school. same as others, i am not good in front of people. when someone messages me online over chat sites if they are being flirty or complimenting me then i blush, in person when i am the center of attention or when im part of the center of attention i feel the need to run. when around others i tend to shut up though i want to talk and have fun. the simplest things make me sad such as when im talking to someone and someone else interrupts and the person i was talking to goes off like i was never there and even though i wait, once they finish they walk away. lately i have started interrupting people and i dislike myself for it.

i have learned a lot of things in life and i have grown stronger than a "normal" teen would mentally... its almost like im dull to things like death... when people have to repeat the simplest things like it is advance and i dont understand it or its the first time i heard it, it makes me think that they are slow to understand that i know and practice those life lessons already. sometimes it makes me feel like im above them because they talk about it like they just learned it... i feel i should teach them...

after social events i like to leave unbeknown to others. i did that last night... i walked for 20 minutes in the rain, got splashed by a truck and sat outside the terminal for 25 minutes yet still had enough energy to walk a old elementary friend to her house since it was late and she was "afraid".

blogs are vents... mbia