"It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all.
I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away.
If a stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day."

Blink 182 - Stay Together For The Kids

sometimes i wish there was a poem to fix a broken house... something so small such as closed curtains inhibits sleep, an inactive household can yield poor work ethic or bad sleep patterns. at a young age, setting yourself apart from bad or unsuitable living conditions can be very difficult. somehow we either manage to make it through barely, make it through with enhanced learning abilities and knowledge or not make it through at all and continue the cycle or die off.

is there a way to unite and work together? or are we going to continue to fall into the same old rut alone.

the cure for the rose

"not even she knew that tonight would be the night she slept in blood stained sheets."

Ten-Pac Toe

Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. Isaiah 55:7

rememberance

i remember the days when i could play as a child.
creating lies to impress the few friends i had.
such a short time since i was water,
now i seem to have become a limitless amount of ice.

"For where have my days gone, lest I forget their joys and sorrows." Said a shadow,
"For here is what my days have become, and for this, i am glad." said another,
"Why have my days yielded such bad crop? Have i not followed the right teaching?".


"For that is what was and what will never be again. For this is what is and shall only be shortly. For that is what is to be and will never be known before it is." These are my words for i lack a disability that inhibits me from telling you.


I AM CORRUPT,
I AM PERFECT,
I AM LIES,
I AM TRUTH,
For I am what God had made me, and I am what sin has corrupted.

"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22

webop

anyone who reads this blog would probably think of me as a negative person... like an emo or someone who is depressed 24/7. im not really, i just type what i think at the time. sometimes i get inspiration from things in my day, others i just want to pointlessly post. fear not, i plan to redirect my blog to be more poem filled than random chatter...

some call it seeking attention. some call it a cry for help.

"- piece my heart make me bleed, i don't want to deal with your greed
you rip me apart and devour my happiness like its your treat
you lie, you feed, you destroy what i need
unseen by the world i lay in a puddle of my own blood
i pray that my last moments do not have to be spent alone, so cold
a puddle so deep, when will my dreams kiss me to sleep
fire your black arrow of hate, i don't mind
you cant hurt me more than this, all i seek now is eternal bliss
stab my back and watch me fall into your web of lies
i have only ever seen you, the one i could never despise
you gave me one last breath to feel the pain
your eyes laughing at me
your body suffocating me
your lies cutting me

fade away butterfly into the night sky. the one you seek is not far but near, it is, and was, always you my dear..."

everyone longs to get to the top of their ladder, but not everyone realizes that if you focus on the step your on, you will move up.

i make a vow, i get distracted.

as i turn out the lights, i seal myself in a warm dark room. i naturally avoid the piles of clothing and junk that lay around that i have become accustom to. sitting, waiting for something magical to happen, thinking it wont come. people asking for prayers, people making up excuses for attention, people wanting me to go serve them... its all so dark... like the changing seasons, my happiness comes and goes only to be lost until it shows itself. you say two minutes, i say two seconds, the difference remains the same. your world, such a mystery, so unique and relevant. my world, such a drag, like a broken record. they scream when worlds collide yet i welcome the destruction because i know the unique will arise from the ash. you will arise from the ash. my life, a game. my user, a cheater. they got tired at the start and messed with the programing. they got bored two years in and started to fool around. they got restless 5 years in and used cheats. now, i remain a character who is beyond where he should be. i have the ultimate weapon in the tutorial stage. and just like always, i want to delete my profile and start over so i can work up to the best without cheats. merge with me my dear and together we will party until we die. through the darkest dungeon and the fiercest foe, let my blade be your arrow as your arrow will always be my way.

due to request or in this case suggestion

if i could change one thing in my life, past, present or future, it would have to be absolutely nothing. i am already intellectually skilled (though not stable at times lol), have an exceptional understanding of common occurrences in life, attending an slightly less than amazing school with one exceptionally awesome friend,... and i am almost always looking forward to the unique future i have.

a reign

every time i get asked if i have cut myself i feel the need to cut myself... its almost like people expect it of me from how much they ask. well have i ever cut myself? not really, i just carved words into my arm with old knives and even a pen from school. same as others, i am not good in front of people. when someone messages me online over chat sites if they are being flirty or complimenting me then i blush, in person when i am the center of attention or when im part of the center of attention i feel the need to run. when around others i tend to shut up though i want to talk and have fun. the simplest things make me sad such as when im talking to someone and someone else interrupts and the person i was talking to goes off like i was never there and even though i wait, once they finish they walk away. lately i have started interrupting people and i dislike myself for it.

i have learned a lot of things in life and i have grown stronger than a "normal" teen would mentally... its almost like im dull to things like death... when people have to repeat the simplest things like it is advance and i dont understand it or its the first time i heard it, it makes me think that they are slow to understand that i know and practice those life lessons already. sometimes it makes me feel like im above them because they talk about it like they just learned it... i feel i should teach them...

after social events i like to leave unbeknown to others. i did that last night... i walked for 20 minutes in the rain, got splashed by a truck and sat outside the terminal for 25 minutes yet still had enough energy to walk a old elementary friend to her house since it was late and she was "afraid".

blogs are vents... mbia