Ella J's Story

If you have ever met this girl, you would know she is a totally free spirit. She has so many bright ideas, always wants to have fun and has a good heart. She loves God with all of that good heart, but she of course is not perfect. Unfortunately, as bright and as free and as fun as this girl is, she struggles with her identity. She knows for a fact she has a solid identity in Christ, and this, her fifth breakup, is teaching her she needs to realign with that identity. But she, like myself, has a story to tell. Don't worry, her's is no where near as dramatic, heart wrenching, tear jerking and "oh, I just want to give you a hug!" as mine. But she is human and so she has a story.

Here it is: When she was only 14, she met the first young man she ever dated. They met at camp. His went by the name "Buck." Buck and Ella met on a Tuesday, hung out on the Wednesday and agreed to go to the Friday banquet together on the Thursday. They then continued to talk on MSN, webcam was just the coolest thing since they could still see each other's face. She felt for the first time what love was, as he daily told her how much he admired her. They met in July. In September, he broke up with her at that same camp when they were together in real life for only the second time. Not to worry, they got back together after chatting online in January of the following year. They met for the third time in real life for her first date (a triple date since Ella was not allowed to be dating on her own, not until she was 16). That third meeting was in early February. Shortly after that, Ella ended it with him, the feeling was no longer there for her.

Amount of time dating: 3 months (total, roughly)
Amount of time single, following breakup: 6 months (Feb-Aug)
Status: Friends

Now 15, Ella met her second boyfriend. He, like Buck, was two years older than her and also lived far away. He was her first kiss, in the moonlight, after a county fair. That kiss was perfection. They had been friends before their relationship started, and they had a relationship that was solidly built on this friendship. But, it would not last. His frequent partying (unbeknownst to Ella) and general lack of the romance she was searching for (he never once told her he loved her) cause her to end things after 6 months of dating, again, in February.
Amount of time dating: 6 months
Amount of time single, following breakup: 1 month (Feb-Mar)
Status: Friends

Now Ella couldn't get enough. She crushed pretty hard on a couple of guys in that short amount of time but later found herself in the arms of another boy. He too was 2 years older than Ella, closer really to 2.5 years. Although this relationship started very well, it turned into something very ugly. He got to the point of what could be called mentally abusive. He had her so trapped she became a hollow shell of her former self. I met her in the midst of this relationship. She hid it well enough but entrusted me with all the details. One night, she meant to send me a song that she wished someone, someday, would sing to her. It went to him instead. Unable to lie about its intended recipient, he boyfriend at the time flew into a rage that she should tell this to anyone else, especially a guy. He questioned her about me and forbade her from ever talking to me, so she was silent for a time. They broke up twice. The first time for only 20 days, was right before their one year anniversary. Determined that she wasn't going to go back to him, she decided that she was on rebound and, feeling the total absence of anyone to love her, found a way to satisfy a bit of physical cravings and ended up making out with her good friend at school, and within the same week kissed her best guy friend, which made it awkward for her to talk to him. Her boyfriend during this time found a way to get her back and they dated again until, one morning, she literally woke up and decided enough was enough. Breaking up with him was hell for her. She lost too much weight and walked the boarders of depression and anorexia, dangerously close to falling into either one of them. She started speaking to me again and she told me I did wonders to help her work through all her demons. She tells me she will never forget me for it, and so far, she hasn't. 

Amount of time dating: 1 year, 9 months (minus a 20 day break)
Amount of time single, following breakup: 4 months (Dec-April)
Status: On speaking terms, far from friends

I should insert here how much of a rebound this poor, broken hearted, broken spirited girl went on. After her breakup, she kissed or made out with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 guys over the full course of those 4 months. She is NOT proud of that in the least. She just needed some affirmation of her beauty, her ability to "catch" a guy and confidence.

She did move on however at met a new guy. He was only one year older than she and they met at a school event. He was from another town. They met and started dating within one week. He was phenomenal and they had a wonderful time. They saw eye to eye on so many things. Except for two: 1) he wasn't a Christian 2) he wanted something casual, she wanted something serious. So, they ended it mutually. Nothing wrong there. In fact, she tells me she still misses him.

Amount of time dating: 3 months.
Amount of time single, following breakup: 3 months (July-Sept)
Status: Friends

After this particular breakup, she managed to go on a rebound again. this time she kissed or made out with 2 guys. Then she met the most recent ex. She met him and fell hard for him. They were perfect together and many people saw them getting married. In fact they saw themselves getting married and bought each other promise rings. It ended. She's still much too raw to talk about it. Amount of time dating: 1 year, 4 months Amount of time single, following breakup: 1 week, 3 days. Status: She's keeping her distance. In this short amount of time, she managed one more rebound. Thankfully, said rebound is respectful enough to see it for what is was and back off a bit. He likes her for sure.

Total Time Dating: 4 years, 1 month (If my math is correct)
Total Time Single: 1 year, 2 months, 1 week, 3 days and counting. (my math is probably really wrong but that's ok, the dates are rough)
Total Time Passed since started dating: 6 years (In July, so right now about 5 years, 2 months)

For the past 6 years, Ella has been molding herself to a man's whims, desires, ideals, approval... and doesn't know herself anymore.

She is broken. We all end up broken at some point or another.