Lies.

isnt it just peachy... the numb feeling of worthlessness, foolishness.

the feeling of being almost utterly useless, aside from being used to consume oxygen. its worse than quitting drugs or medication. it comes back and chokes up all you know, then laughs at you like you are a pathetic excuse of a human. worthless.

it seems like now there were so many things that i can remember promising i would never do. how i would act and react to a situation. it had only seemed like a short while that things were going great, gave it all and saw light. then i jumped. foolish.

this daunting number. its 2. comes right after one. if you add two ones together, you get two. there were two two's in that equation. 2x1=2. two weeks. that lasted for a little over two times six months. that is one year. what seemed like the same amount of time for things to build up again. two times six equals one. one more chance. two months of bitter sweet. two weeks of constant high and prayer. two times four. thats how long it took for the withdrawals to lighten up. two times three is how long it has been. and 2 to the power of 20 is how many times i thought about it.

Lies.

the looming two. the daunting two. the two that is laughing at me now. it has happened two times in two days, this feeling. its a feeling of melancholic wonder. a type of thing that leaves me asking when the next two is going to choke my nice O2. maybe it does not have to happen again, maybe two is just enough to make one. or maybe two is coming in the near future. ie, one cant wait for two to get here.

Killing the buzz

Damn, there it goes again.

your drunk body hitting the floor like lead dropped out a window.

i ask if you fell and you lie.
your hungover words speaking every hint of lies.

lies lies lies all your damn lies. just shut up already. you have good intentions but fail in caring.

you are trying to help me when you are already dead.

JUST SHUT UP

i hate your lies, i hate your false love.

but in the end i still love you and care for you.

i hate you because i love you... so shut up...

I lie awake, reading, tired...

Awake. Somewhat. Confused. Very. And once again my feelings and emotions and thougths all go into over drive. So mixed up and confused and in the end its just numb... spinning and spinning until a random thought is thrown out, then back to the numb...

Maybe the missing piece you thought it was is really a part of another puzzle... or maybe it doesn't quite fit into the one you have yet.

Like that, a thought spun out and now numb. Poetry falling to pieces before the brain can send the signal to my fingers, so you have this. Written once and not read again until it is where every eye could see.

Chin up and look at those stars and know I see them all the same. Good evening Orion, but I look forward to seeing the Summer Cross on the basketball court, reflected in the calm lake.

With that I'm numb again. There's safety in being numb. You feel no pain, but you feel no love or anything else for that matter.

Sleep is clawing at my eyelids. I guess its time to sleep... sleep drunken words these are... tired, careless lips, or at least, fingers...

Goodnight.