my "dearest friend"

Fuck, you think i want to walk away from you? you force me into this corner and leave me with few options. so here is what i will do, for these next few days, im going to get stoned as fuck, drunk as fuck, cut up as fuck, and have sex as fuck with whoever because i dont give a fuck right now. i want to, i honestly want to care and do my best. but you have successfully shot down every one of my most earnest efforts. i know im not perfect, and i know we had troubles in the past, but when will you stop saying i judge you and that i dont listen, and stop judging me, and start listening.