The deeper I go, the more I find

Heart racing from the drugs, my mind still stuck on that dark question. "Where did I break? How did it get this far?" Standing tall and firm daily without trouble or doubt, yet carving messages out in my arms with my fathers hunting knife. "I dont need this, its not who I really am" Tasting the bittersweet buds of life, enjoying the fragrance of blood as it seeps from my wounds. "Its the last time, I swear its the last time." Holding the knife to my throat, pressing it harder into my arms. "Desperation... Confusion... Uncertainty perhaps? How can I rid myself of this feeling I did not foresee?" One more hit, one more mark, that's all it will take.